Author: Howard Darko

there are 4 chambers to my heart, and you — which is 3 letters, are in one of them

she must be a sister in Christ

she must be willing to be the mother of my children

she must be able to deal with and work with me on my problem areas

she must have the intelligence to mesmerize me with her mind and tongue

she must be athletic & healthy

she must communicate with me and let me know when we have a problem and go to counseling if needed

she must never lie to me

she must be willing to fight for our marriage

she must be willing to Love me

she must be my best friend

she must dance with me

she must be willing to share her past, present, and future with me

she must pray for me daily

Heavenly Father, i am thankful for you every day.

I am thankful for the day and all the opportunities it presents me

I am thankful for her and how she helps me

I am thankful for my family and how they love me

I am thankful for Violet and the memories she gave me

I am thankful for the hopes and dream you give me

I am thankful for my desire to serve and follow you

I am thankful you love me enough to send your son Jesus to die for my sins so i may have everlasting joy with you

Oh how i wish to know you

How i wish to find you daily

But at last, you elude me

You hide in places i can not find

In a place that feels out of my reach

You tease me with the promise of rest

But all i find is turmoil and distress

I long for your embrace to know i am safe

I feel your hands and know your arms will catch me

And in the end, i have learned i can only be with you if i surrender

I must give up the rights to myself

I must pick up my cross

And I must follow you

My answer is yes, Lord.

What does it mean to surrender to your will

What will i sacrifice for your will

Will i sacrifice my own will

Will i sacrifice my our desires

Will i sacrifice the need to be right

Will i sacrifice the need to be happy

Will i sacrifice the hope of love

Will i sacrifice the joy of her touch

Will i sacrifice my fatherhood

Will i sacrifice everything with the promise of nothing

The answer is yes

If i trust you what will happen

If i trust you will the pain stop

If i trust you will the fear go away

If i trust you will the emptiness leave me

If i trust you will i find happiness

If i trust you will joy enter my heart

If i trust you will my soul know peace

If i truly trust you would it matter

I will trust you

Will you see me again

Or will you say no

Will you talk to me again

Or will you say no

Will you walk with me again

Or will you say no

Will you run in the woods with me

Or will you say no

Will you cuddle with me

Or will you say no

Will you grow with me

Or will you say no

What is fear

Why do i fear it

Why do i fear what i do not know

Why do i fear what i do not control

If i have no power over it, why does it have power over me

It doesn’t make me young it makes me old

I doesn’t make me happy it makes me sad

It robs me of my energy and burdens me with pain

It is like a dark night or a grey cloud that never ends

Every night it follows me to bed

And every morning i start anew and give it to you

Not no, but not now. What does this mean? Does it mean to let go, but not move on, or does it mean let go, move on, and wait? This question haunts my days, nights, and dreams. I am not sure which i fear more. Not knowing if i am hearing right or hearing what i don’t want to hear.

What good am i

What good am i if i only ask and do not listen

What good am i if i listen and do not hear

What good am i if i hear and do not act

What good am i if i act and do not help

What good am i if i help and do not love

What good am i if i love others and do not love myself

What good am i